Still Strong

It has occurred to me what all I've been through. Everything I have seen, all I have felt, the things that have traumatized me. I never had time to sit still long enough to let some things take hold of me. That was when I was younger. I have been through more things I'd care to admit to. I have been blessed to survive some of the things that some would have not gotten through on their own. I kept going even through the quicksand that was trying to swallow me up. Sometimes I went in slow motion, while other times I just skipped forward trying to forget. Trying to erase the bad. I would smile really big and laugh with my friends. My friends were my savior all these years. Even if they didn't know what I was going through. I didn't always let people know my dark side. I kept part of me hidden. Embarrassed and ashamed. I've learned since then that it's okay to have these feelings. It's okay to have someone to lean on. It's alright if someone doesn't understand. Not everyone can deal. Not everyone has walked my shoes. I am thankful that I have been so strong. Strong to deal with so much for so many years without the support most would get. I keep going. I then hit some harder times. I finally slammed into a wall. Had to face up to everything. I felt as if I've been drowning in the deepest part of the cold ocean all alone. I've been swimming for far too long trying to keep from going under. No land in sight. No hand reaching down to lift me out. I realized that I was consumed with my past. The past that I tried so hard to escape, to forget. It's recognizing the pain that seems to be healing me. Dealing with the dark by shining the light on it. Stop running away and face my demons. Stand and fight! Fight for my happiness. For my freedom of what has kept me tied down for far too long. I am not perfect. I will keep struggling. I will keep having to fight. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I am doing what is best for me now. Taking control of my sanity. Taking control of myself. Hugging myself instead of beating myself down day after day. I am still healing. I am still in battle. Though I know I will win this time. I won't back down. I will stay strong no matter what happens next. I will get stronger. Stronger than ever before. I am positive. That is all I need. To believe in myself!