If You Want Me

Can you make me laugh?

It's not hard, I promise.

Are you a lover?

Can you calm me down?

Let's not fight, just hug me tightly.

Want to play?

Want to flirt?

Come and tackle me.

Let's see how strong you are.

Want me to beg?

I'll beg, beg you to treat me right.

Want my lies or the truth?

You'll know when I lie,

My eyes will tell you the truth.

Want to make me smile?

Get me a gumball machine toy.

Want to know my addiction?

Skeeball is one. You are the other.

Want to know my fears?

Being vulnerable. Letting you inside.

Want to know my weakness?

Smiles and sensitivity.

Can you imagine us?

Let me tell you what I see.

Want to get close?

Open your heart,

I will let go of my fears.

Can I run faster than you?

Not if I want you catch me.

Want to know a secret?

I love being treated like a lady.

Want to know my sins?

Let's talk under the covers.

Want to know my dreams?

I have so many.

What's important to me?

Friends, family and you.

What do I want?

Your arms around me.

What will I take?

Only what you give me.

Too much truth for you?

Get over it if you want me.

Still Strong

It has occurred to me what all I've been through. Everything I have seen, all I have felt, the things that have traumatized me. I never had time to sit still long enough to let some things take hold of me. That was when I was younger. I have been through more things I'd care to admit to. I have been blessed to survive some of the things that some would have not gotten through on their own. I kept going even through the quicksand that was trying to swallow me up. Sometimes I went in slow motion, while other times I just skipped forward trying to forget. Trying to erase the bad. I would smile really big and laugh with my friends. My friends were my savior all these years. Even if they didn't know what I was going through. I didn't always let people know my dark side. I kept part of me hidden. Embarrassed and ashamed. I've learned since then that it's okay to have these feelings. It's okay to have someone to lean on. It's alright if someone doesn't understand. Not everyone can deal. Not everyone has walked my shoes. I am thankful that I have been so strong. Strong to deal with so much for so many years without the support most would get. I keep going. I then hit some harder times. I finally slammed into a wall. Had to face up to everything. I felt as if I've been drowning in the deepest part of the cold ocean all alone. I've been swimming for far too long trying to keep from going under. No land in sight. No hand reaching down to lift me out. I realized that I was consumed with my past. The past that I tried so hard to escape, to forget. It's recognizing the pain that seems to be healing me. Dealing with the dark by shining the light on it. Stop running away and face my demons. Stand and fight! Fight for my happiness. For my freedom of what has kept me tied down for far too long. I am not perfect. I will keep struggling. I will keep having to fight. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I am doing what is best for me now. Taking control of my sanity. Taking control of myself. Hugging myself instead of beating myself down day after day. I am still healing. I am still in battle. Though I know I will win this time. I won't back down. I will stay strong no matter what happens next. I will get stronger. Stronger than ever before. I am positive. That is all I need. To believe in myself!

Mirror Image

I look into the mirror and see the same.

An unattractive girl standing before me.

I have changed inside, more than once.

I put more effort into caring for myself.

The results are the same, I'm still just plain.

The outer me wants to look like a movie star.

The inner me wants to feel like I'm 21.

I look into the mirror, not looking any different.

Trying so hard to push myself.

Each passing day I stay afloat.

Careful about what I do now.

Cautious about what I eat.

This mirror of mine has left me beat.

Opened up for suggestions, ready for a change.

I get more demanding each day.

Escaping my old world, my old way.

Losing the pain, losing the weight.

This mirror of mine will pay.

So Many Years Ahead

So many years ahead.

Too many years wasted.



Too much time lost.

Too much of being alone.

Too much depression.

Too much what if.

Too much crying.

Too much lost hope.

Too much, too much.



I'm ready for a life.

I'm ready to live.

I'm ready for passion.

I'm ready for the sun.

I'm ready to be lifted.

I'm ready to smile.

I'm ready, I'm ready.



So many years ahead.

Too many years wasted.



Too much sorrow.

Too much dreaming.

Too much misery.

Too much negative.

Too much feeling sorry.

Too much anger.

Too much, too much.



I'm ready to start new.

I'm ready to let go.

I'm ready to give in.

I'm ready to let everything in.

I'm ready to open my heart.

I'm ready for happiness.

I'm ready, I'm ready.

Obsessive Fantasy

Silently I whisper your name,

In hopes that you may be doing the same.

Gently a breeze wisps across my face.

Is this a sign that you are thinking of me at your place?

I lie back on the bed,

Placing my arms under my head.

Drifting asleep, I am thinking of only you.

Maybe you are doing the same thing, too.

Fast asleep, I'm in R.E.M.

Dreaming pleasantly of loving him.


Thursday, March 25, 2010 4:28 PM

My Love For You

My heart fills up with love for you.

The wall that I built years back has fallen down.

No longer running away, only waiting to walk next to you.

Wanting to hold you close; no more pushing.

Still blushing as your words touch me tenderly.

Softened by your voice, I open up my soul.

The past was new and heartbreaking.

The present is warm and learning.

The future holds the best of you and me.

I never loved so deeply, ecstatic it's with you.

Falling for you was not my intention,

Being your friend drew me in closer.

Now my heart aches so badly for you.

When I hear from you I can't stop smiling.

Each day I love you even more.

Waiting to be near you makes my desires stronger.

I'm so happily and forever in love with you. <3


Friday, March 26, 2010 3:13 PM

You...

I accepted everything about you, loving who you are... While you looked for every fault of mine, keeping me afar.

I was hopeful that one day there could be... You kept looking for reasons why there never should be.

I opened up my soul to you.... You can't even muster out an 'I love You.'

It's okay because I can go on with or without you.... And someday maybe you'll realize what I truly meant to you.


Original post on FaceBook: Tuesday, December 14, 2010 7:33 AM